Paulsen at St. Olaf Commencement

The lifeless math major spoke at St. Olaf's commencement ceremony yesterday. You can view the entire event here. No anti-Paulsen protest materialized.

It was a gorgeous, hot sunny Saturday afternoon for late May. The droning bore invited the Class of '09 to imagine the marvel when they are invited back to speak at the 2031 ceremony. Paulsen discusses no serious matters of governance or citizenship. His talk is pure chloroform, as predicted, asphyxiating the opposition and thus requiring no embarrassing gestures of support from his base. Without reaching out to the non-Lutheran, Paulsen draws attention repeatedly to his Christian belief. He mentions several collegiate pranks and how, unable to afford a semester in Europe comparing various political systems there, he met with St. Olaf's president who assisted Paulsen in making the dream happen. Paulsen establishes no intimate bond with his audience--nor does he attempt any. He's the Class of 1987's graying clock watcher, returning to inspire the nasal dullards of the future.

No one seems to notice; the audience responds unenthusiastically. The faculty--embarrassed at having to participate in this rite of middle class identity formation--applaud with minimal energy.